I was stressed, people.
My life is full of things that I love, that give me energy, that excite me. But sometimes they all converge to get me really stressed out.
I love travel.
I love our crazy, gypsy, life this year, splitting our time between our home in the Fingerlakes of Upstate NY and a bus parked in a trailer park in Alabama.
I love writing.
I love my blog, and the relationships that have come from this space, and the opportunities it’s opened for ministry and beauty in my life.
I love people.
I didn’t yet know if I liked public speaking, but I did know I was looking forward to all the other hours at Allume, connecting at heart level with old and new friends, celebrating God and the adventure of the writing life.
But October nearly did me in.
Because while I was preparing to attend Allume (making business cards, shopping for a few more outfits to complete my no-brainer wardrobe, gathering little gifts for my roomies and besties)…
…I was also preparing to speak at Allume (writing over 4,000 words on my laptop in stolen moments, rendezvousing with Kristina to practice our talks, reading books on public speaking, watching TED talks for inspiration)…
…And I was also packing our family up to head to Alabama straight from Allume (Making meals for while I was gone, doing laundry, sorting clothes, packing everything I could before I left and leaving comprehensive lists for my husband)
And, because I hadn’t yet learned to trust and rest that God has my back and really does care about the littlest details (I mean, I said I did, but I wasn’t living it), all this stress built and built until my body reacted physically.
What I mean to say is, Aunt Flo delayed her visit, and I missed her note and thought I was pregnant.
Yeah, so on top of everything else on my plate, my raging hormones convinced me that I was also preggo.
Add to the list: make high protein snacks for hotel room. Pack clothes for Alabama in multiple sizes. Try to travel, attend conference, speak, and function with the half-a-brain I always feel like I have when I’m preggo.
Don’t get me wrong. I was really excited to think I was pregnant. But it was all a bit much. I was like, “Really, God? You’ve called me to this conference, and to speak to people, and then You want me to do it with half a brain?”
That’s when God started to speak to me the story of Gideon.
I saw the analogy right away—God called Gideon to do a job, Gideon felt inadequate, but that was OK because God was gonna fight the battle. God chose an inadequate vessel so that in the end, He would get the glory.
I got it. I tried to trust. And went back to my packing.
(Spoiler alert: Sorry to break the suspense of the story, but I do just have to say, for the record, This is not an announcement. I am NOT currently pregnant, nor was I at the time of this story. It was all a miss-understanding between me and Flo. Got it?)